The Games of Video & Heartbreak

Before I get to the fun stuff, a moment of silence if you would. All is not roses and reach arounds. Stacey Donaldson, a decent enough meteorologist who always gave me up slope, is being shown the door over at CBS 4. Those bastards. It is uncommon in this life to get a combination of naughty librarian and meteorologist in one tidy, attractive package. Naughty librariometeorologists are very rare in nature and News 4 should be investigated for what may or may not be a violation (or violations) of the Endangered Species Act of 1973, which states: "A species is considered endangered if it is in danger of extinction throughout all or a significant portion of its range." I don't see any other naughty librariometeorologists taking refuge in our fair city. Maybe Crystal Egger will start sporting the specs in tribute. That would be nice.

Anyway, Stacey's last day is Friday so tune her in (Tokyo) if you get a chance. She deserves a large final audience.

Now I'm just going to bombard you with weather-related videos . . . some of which I'm sure you've seen, some you may have not have. The guy in the middle two is Jim Kosek, who's exploits should be known to some of you diehard FKSheads. The last one, and most boring, is Kath's forecast for the next couple of days. I'm including it because she specifically predicts 2-4 inches and I want motion picture proof for this one. I just have a feeling.

HT B==> - - - Warmingglow

A Cold Blast For Dat Ass

Here's 124-pound Ashton Altieri doing his best to hold up the "E" in Denver

What's up, chuckleheads? Have you been enjoying this run of sensuous sunshine and air temperatures that are consistently warmer than an Orangutan's armpit? I hope you made the most of it, because Old Man Winter's making a run down from Canada in a rusty 1974 Chevy C10 and should be arriving any minute. He'll be wearing head-to-toe denim and he's got a payload full of ball-shrinking and nipple-erecting cold air. He's also drunk and smells like your underwear after a three day camping trip. Get him inside quick . . . before the neighbors see.

Altieri said last night to expect three inches (of snow) here in Denver. Coniglio has tweaked that slightly today saying 1-3 tonight and then perhaps 1-2 during the day tomorrow.

Stacey Donaldson, whom I'm falling deeply in love with, is a little more pessimistic, claiming that we're only going to see a couple of inches, tops. It's like she made that forecast by looking down my pants.

Dave Fraser, like Tiger Woods, is not getting into specifics and is saying 2-4 inches across "The Foothills, Front Range and Eastern Plains." That sounds like a country song. Cheetahtoes . . . get on it.

Weather.com says 1-3 inches tonight and then perhaps 1-2 during the day tomorrow . . . which is exactly what Coniglio said. Plagiarism is all the rage these days I guess. But who ripped off whom?

Tony Laubach over at Channel 7, whose title says he's a weather producer/storm chaser, pens a pretty decent forecast. For the most part, it's detailed yet concise. However, he uses exclamation points at the same rate as a 16-year-old girl, which is kind of weird. He also has a pretty bad ass weather blog. But before we get too smitten with this fellow, I should note that not only is he a Redskins fan, but he's quite obviously a Broncos hater. To wit, here's what he said after attending the Broncos/Redskins game a few weeks ago: "But the best part of the win was to return home to Denver and enjoy the happiness in everyone’s misery AND to watch a bunch of over-confident Broncos fans eat a ton of crow."

Well, I'm all for supporting your team and talking a little shit, but this is too much. This asshole presumably lives and works in our fine town and is just way too enthusiastic about the misery of its citizens caused by a team owned by a fascist dickweed. His vitriol will not stand, man. I encourage all seven of my readers to hereby boycott Channel 7 (aka thedenverchannel.com) and tell everyone you know to do the same. And if you see this guy out on the streets, go ahead and fart on him. Here's what he looks like (warning: it's not pretty):

Get out of Broncos Country, sir - your kind is not wanted here.

Round Two? Spooky Friday the 13th Predictions and a New Weather Station

Thursday, October 29, 2009 - Historic Lower Downtown Denver, Colorado

Something's going on . . . but I'm not sure anybody quite knows what it is. As I write this at 4:46PM MST (12:46AM CET), a wintery mix is falling at a nice pace. I just took to the streets to do some observation but it was cold, so I opted for a hot, relaxing steam over at the local health club. Now I want a beer. And a gal to cozy up with.

Anyway, I'm not sure anyone really knows how much it's going to snow, but here are some of the predictions from the folks you know and love:

9News . . . Altieri, who may or may not dress up in a Peter Pan outfit and prance about Civic Center Park every Friday the 13th, is calling for four inches of snow tonight (Friday) and then a break followed by 6-12 tomorrow night into Sunday. He's very non-commital, however . . . just like your girlfriend.

National Weather Service via Denver Post - They're saying it's a Winter Storm Watch, with between 6-12 inches expected by Sunday (most of it falling Saturday afternoon through Sunday). They're really not saying anything about tonight, probably because they're lazy. I respect that. And someone really should come up with or buy me a winter storm watch for my wrist. That would make me pretty god damned happy. Maybe it can be part of the infamous Jim Cantore line of products.

News4 . . . Stacey Donaldson, whose liberal use of librarian spectacles always leads to high pressure systems developing in my pants, directly contradicts Altieri's prediction of four inches tonight by saying there will be no accumulation. Oooooooh . . . a cat fight. (*spitting, hissing sounds*).










Fox31 . . . Dave Fraser, a meteoroligst I'm totally unfamiliar with since I don't think I've ever seen him on television, splits Altieri and Donaldson right down the middle (he wishes). He's calling for 1-4 inches tonight, mainly on your grassy areas . . . and then 6-12 for round two tomorrow night into Sunday.

7News . . . Boring. No attribution, little to no accumulation tonight and the standard issue 6-12 tomorrow night into Sunday. Very disappointing.

Lastly, I would be remiss if I did not take a moment to feel vindicated. My main man Gaguilera reports that people finally pulled their heads out of their asses and built another official weather monitoring station closer to Denver. If you recall, all official weather measurements since 1995 have been taken at Denver International Airport, 20-some miles from the city center. If you also recall, I was outraged by this:

That is complete and utter bullshit in my humble estimation. How does such a thing make sense? Especially with all measurements before 1995 occurring a scant seven miles from the city (at the old Stapleton airport)? Our climatology records are going to be more twisted than the psychological records of Jon & Kate's eight kids in 30 years. There's no continuity and that just can't be a good thing. Studying the climate is all based on static measurements - not switching the location by 20 miles every so often. Damn it!

Color me excited. I hope to get some video up of me pelvic thrusting this new machine soon. In the meantime, if any of you very attractive FKS weather spotters happen to be over by City Park golf course, try to get a picture of this device . . . I'm not too satisfied with the one in the
story:









Better yet, take a picture of you doing something lewd/awesome with the machine and get it to me for publication. There will be a prize for the best photo taken. That prize will likely be either Mexican food or booze or both.

OK . . . stay safe, warm and wet this weekend and if you FKS weather spotters can put down the bottle for 10 minutes, let's try and get some measurement photos, OK? OK.