Thursday, December 30, 2010

SNOW-MG, LOL!

Look what I found on my Facebook this morning . . . the infamous St. Louis-ophile Ditchfield-Murray - sporting a fancy new name and dispensing ominous news. Very exciting stuff. Normally my Facebook is full of people posting cryptic messages (looking for attention) or quotes with no attributes (really gets my goat). And then there's updates on children (no one cares) and bragging about how great life is (most likely a lie). So it's refreshing to see a local "celebrity" (and I use this term in the loosest way possible) gracing my little sphere doing what she kind of does in very mediocre fashion once in awhile. The only other celebrity on my docket is Jason Mulgrew. His blog (Everything is Wrong With Me) has seen better days, but if you're snowed/frozen in for the next couple of days, I can't recommend enough a thorough poking of the archives. Drink beer while you do so.

Tebow balls . . . I'm rambling. Who gives a shit about the Facebook when we're finally set to add to our impressive one inch snow total for the season (and when I say season, I mean September, 2010 through May, 2011). Virtually everyone's on the same page with this one. Five to ten inches by tomorrow morning and scrotum-clenching cold. Personally, I think it's too cold and we won't get anywhere close to 10 inches of snow. I like Carter's forecast of 5 inches in the city. I'm saying four inches, tops. I'll let Gaguilera break it down one time:


Here's a look at what's going on in Lower Downtown Denver thus far. Be warned . . . it is not at all impressive.

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Lastly, I wanted to put all FKS Weather Watchers(TM) on HOT WHITE alert. You know what that means. Speaking of FKS Weather Watchers(TM), I rather enjoyed this text I got from Billy Axelrod on Dec. 26 at 8:01PM MST: Egger's on the weather channel right fucking now. Creamed jeans.

Tebow bless you, Billy.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Lake Snowbegone

Whelp, I hate to be the person who hates to tell you I told you so . . . but La Nina, man. She is a beautiful tease that no meteorologist can refuse. She'll moisten your mountains but leave your plains high and dry. You'll be so desperate for her fluffy flakes that you'll make shameful and pleading predictions, only to have none of them come true. You will be mocked on internet comment boards and cursed loudly at holiday parties . . . for you are the meteorologist who cried snow one too many times.

To wit . . . from Tuesday's (12/14/10) 10PM newscast:

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I cherish Mark and Adele's disbelieving silence when Sabine announces that we will have snow. I've watched that moment over and over again and love it a little more each time. It's clearly not their first rodeo. Maybe she meant the royal we . . . meaning whatever destination she fled to (that's right, she went on vacation today) will have snow, because ain't shit falling on the magnificent city of Denver, Colorado. During her weather segment, she went on to say that she expected between 1-3 inches of snow Wednesday night into Thursday. And to be fair, every other "weather expert" said roughly the same thing. Because they all look at the same computer models are deathly afraid to doubt the wisdom of computers. I don't think any of them have any shred of self confidence or moxy. Look, meteorologists, at this point we expect you to be wrong . . . you might as well have some fun and some trust in your own gut.

And 9News, will you please stop obsessing over Minnesota? It's getting kind of weird.

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(Wednesday, 12/15/10 - 10PM newscast)