Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Pantomiming Dipping Your Junk in Snow

I imagine you've already seen this other places, but if not, enjoy. This is the kind of perverse moxie I'm looking for in a person who "forecasts" the weather. You're only right 44 percent of the time anyway, might as well have some fun with it. His name is Pete Bouchard. He appears to work in Boston. And if I had to guess he probably has a really small dick. From his bio:

What is one thing about you most people would be surprised by?
That I'm a gearhead who loves heavy equipment. I have a commercial driver license, and I own a Ford LN9000 dump truck with a Cummins L10 engine. Wanna ride?

Anyway, we're getting our first snow since January 6 tonight. 9NEWS Meteorologist Kathy Sabine says to expect 1 to 3 inches total in Denver by midday when the storm winds down. Everyone else is saying something similar. Personally, I think we're in for a dusting at best. Sad? Sure.

Sorry for the meager amount of posting, but shit, absent a good snow storm, a freakish heat wave or Kath doing something crazy on live television, I don't have much to say right now. We'll pick things up again next month. That I can guarantee.

Stay Wet,

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Portrait of a Cold Front in Video Stills

If I weren't so lazy, I'd use Microsoft Paint(TM) to draw a thought bubble off to the right of Kath's head. In it, I'd either put a .gif of a monkey or a picture of myself. This is a wistful, dreamy and hopeful Kath. This is a Kath who could give two shits about artic air that's so cold it's freezing what enamel she has left on her teeth. She's dreamin', man. Thinkin' about white sandy beaches and shirtless dudes. I wouldn't be surprised if she takes a vacation soon. You heard it here first.

This is the same look I imagine someone would have if they saw a UFO floating above a pasture and using a laser to slaughter calves with incredible precision (if you haven't read this article, by the way, please do so post haste . . . if only for this quote: "Only a human or something like that can cut the ears like that." Mike Tyson?). The same look will find her face when she is told that sports anchor Drew Soicher is suspected of having an "inappropriate relationship" with Gidget, the Denver Zoo's NFL prognosticating sea lion (who is fucking terrible at predicting games, by the way).

*lowers eyes, exhales deeply and shakes head back and forth slowly*

If that's not a come hither stare, then I'm not sure what would qualify. Focused, pensive, alluring . . . if she was looking at me like this in a bar I would probably smile, blush and avert my eyes before sending her a cocktail via the barkeep - probably a Prado, because this look makes me believe Kath can handle egg whites in her cocktail. Yeesh, that sounds a little more risque than I intended. Ah well, it's a new decade. Innuendo is all the rage in the Twenty Ten . . . or so the college kids would lead me to believe.

And I would be remiss if I did not bow slightly and congratulate Kath on a job well done for her predictin' of this storm. She was spot on with the snow forecast (2-4, shitbirds) and the rapidly dropping mercury. Sure, the winds weren't quite as strong as she had hoped, but I won't hold that against her. Nobody likes the wind. It is Satan's farts.

Impromptu Game of Bumper Cars

I have no idea what's going on here at Alameda & University, but it appears a tad chaotic. Cars seem poised to go in every direction . . . even into the path of other cars. This shot came in at 4:56PM.

If this doesn't make your stomach churn, you have no soul. Or you have an iron stomach.

More later . . . including (hopefully) a look at the 70's gear Kathy's wearing today. It will take your breath away and make you want to dance. Get home safe if you can. If not, go for maximum damage.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

100 Percent Chance of Love Followed by a 50 Percent Chance of Divorce

Congratulations you crazy kids. That's the Weather Channel's Kim Perez, by the way. If you had a crush on her then I'm sorry to break this news. And will proposing on live television become a new fad in the new decade? I hope so. Anything's better than the Jumbotron proposal.