Crust Stations

This bad ass weather data collection station/monument to science and technology is located on the Mesa/Delta County lines on Highway 50 in Western Colorado. I stopped the Flipmobile right in the sight line of the middle camera angle . . .

for a good 14 minutes hoping that my image would appear on cotrip.org, which is, all in all, one heck of a fine website. Not only that, but friend/consultant to FKS Sammy Soda was on standby to capture the image permanently via the "print screen" button on his keyboard. Alas, it was not to be.

It's my fault. I was anxious to get back on the road as I had to meet with my chief mountain weather spotter (which is what I'd want my Native American chief name to be) in Vail for beers and intensive discussion regarding the chances of various football teams around the country . . . as well as the snow conditions on Vail mountain (which I'm told are marginal). But as I drove off I thought about how weird it was that this weather station sits at the top of a hill in an otherwise barren and dusty landscape in what many call The Stinking Desert. I'm amazed that it even works given the climate. I am fascinated by its very existence. But I'm glad it's there. I give a tip of the cap to CDOT for keeping an eye on oft-forgotten Western Colorado.

But then I also thought that not so long ago, there were probably people wandering around the very same spot trying to figure out what to kill for their next meal. People who lived off the land and were in tune with nature . . . because they had to be. Those folks would have made killer meteorologists. Experience, familiarity and true necessity beats a computer model like a rented mule any day of the week in my opinion. Sabine wouldn't have lasted a night.

So the dream to have my image captured on a Department of Transportation traffic camera and also get a screen shot of said picture remains just that. But after seeing the work of FKS reader and roving weather spotter Johnny Gnomez, I think you'll agree that nothing is impossible . . . if you try. You'll recall that a month and a half ago, I issued a challenge and promised booze or Mexican food or both if one of you got a photo of lascivious behavior involving the city's new official weather monitoring station. Well, we've got our first entry. Whoa, whoa, whoa . . . don't get too excited and just scroll down the page to look at the photos . . . they are (sadly) safe for work. But that definitely doesn't diminish their sheer excellence. Have a look:

Presumably before his first full body scan at airport security

Mr. Gnomez describes this photo as the spot where the official Denver weather station stood for the past 15 years (much to my chagrin). And I think I should disclose that he sent this picture to me well before that fellow tried to activate his testicle bomb on the plane from Amsterdam to Detroit the other day. I'm fairly certain that if you go out to DIA tomorrow and snap photos of a garden gnome (who is raising his glass and sitting on a barrel of what I presume is whiskey) with the mighty blue mustang, you're going to quickly find yourself on the wrong end of some strenuous questioning by serious people wearing mostly black. Timing is everything.

Here she is . . . in all her glory. *Sniffs air* Smells like new weather station! This beauty, says Mr. Gnomez, is in the middle of City Park Golf Course near hole number 12 - just south of Adams & 26th. Wait a second. They spend all this dough on a fancy new official weather monitoring station and then stick it smack dab in the middle of a municipal golf course? That is a recipe for disaster. Some serious drinking followed by the desire to destroy things is generally what occurs on muni courses. I should know. I think it stems from the frustration of the slow pace of play, but I always like to blame my poor golf game, temper and alcoholism on outside factors and not myself.

That's neither here nor there. People are definitely going to hit golf balls at the weather station and I find that both worrisome and amusing. I'm also wondering if I'm going to be able to resist the urge to dent this beautiful piece of machinery the next time I'm out there. I'll let you know how it goes when the snow clears.

And here is the coup de grace. Go ahead and check out the last of those bulleted points . . . just to the right of the boozing garden gnome's left shin. That's right, it's Mike "The Tornado Dance" Nelson. He is the sole meteorologist being thanked for his support of this new weather station. This means the ban of Channel 7 (aka denverchannel.com) is officially off. Mike cares about us, dammit, and he's the only one. Apparently Kathy, whom I'm pretty sure took the chief meteorologist job from Mr. Nelson at 9News, didn't really care about having an official weather station closer to town. For shame.

But let's not dwell on the negative. Let's congratulate Mike for his incredible foresight and passion . . . and for his magical "Tornado Dance":

Mike Nelson's Torndao Dance

Char | MySpace Video

And I would also like to take a moment to thank Johnny Gnomez for an incredible effort. You went above, beyond and to DIA to capture the entire weather station saga. I am completely stunned by your dedication to the cause. You're carrying a lot of good karma with you into 2010, and that's never a bad thing. Bravo, sir.

Happy New Year to you all. I hope 2010 takes you into her bosom and nurtures you completely. I also hope that there are a lot of big storms.

Raising my glass of cheap champagne,
Flip

FAILURE

The 32-load plastic Tide bottle stands a robust 9 inches - photo taken at 9:12AM on Monday, January 12

I freely admit that the only two forecasts I saw last (Sunday, Jan. 11) evening were Mike Nelson's on 7News and Marty Coniglio's on 9News. Both of these gentlemen predicted no more than a light snowfall (maybe an inch or two - see photo in previous entry) . . . although they did caution that the morning commute could be made a little slower. They were right about the commute, as I'm sure those of you who are forced to do such a terrible thing found out right away. Mine, which is tame by anyone's definition (an estimated 3.89 miles) took almost 40 minutes. During this commute I saw a woman next to me using one hand to eat and the other to hold her phone while trying to navigate the icy streets. All I could do was shake my head and sip my whiskey.

What I find to be pretty shitty, however, is 9news throwing this little jab at CDOT (Colorado Department of Transportation) in their story about this morning's storm:

The early morning snowfall caught the Colorado Department of Transportation a little bit by surprise a spokesperson said.

Yeah, they were surprised because none these meteorologists predicted the severity of the storm. This is what pisses me off. There's absolutely no culpability on the part of 9News. All too often people get riled up at CDOT for not keeping the roads clear during/after a big storm. But most of the time CDOT is at the mercy of the forecast. If the forecast is for light snow and then it dumps almost five inches in five hours, they have to scramble and, by that point, it's too late. I'm pretty sure if old Nelson or Coniglio would've said something about four to six inches of snow falling so quickly, CDOT probably would've had their plows at the ready, guiding you merrily to your place of employment.

But that didn't happen. Neither Nelson nor Coniglio made any such claims and the result was an exceedingly slow commute. I can only hope that you used the confusion and poor driving conditions as an excuse to go chill out at a coffee shop or bar for an extra 15 minutes before punching the clock. Because if you didn't, you're a sap.

I do need to give credit to 7news, however, because they sort of threw Nelson under the bus (and rightly so) with their story about the morning snow storm. Check out these beauties:

"Horrible," said Russel Smith who has lived and worked in Denver his entire life. "This was the worst drive yet. And it was made even worse because we weren't prepared based on the information given by forecasters," said Smith.

"It was ugly," said Patty Gonwa about her commute. "I was not prepared based on the forecast. They said it wouldn't hit until mid-morning. And then, it wasn't supposed to get bad, maybe one to two inches. And this is, well, more than one to two inches," said Gonwa. "They were dead wrong."

That's what I like to see. While 7News doesn't come right out and blame their own meteorologist, they do have the courage to quote people who know the real story. I can respect that. 9News's bullshit, on the other hand, I can not.

Lastly, here are the snow totals if you're into that kind of thing.

Mike Nelson Apologizes . . . Sort Of

The crude photo at right is Mike "I Switch Stations" Nelson blurting out what I guess could be considered an apology for his and his weather team's grievous error in judgment when forecasting the latest storm for the Denver Metro area. If you missed it, Mike and his cronies over at Channel 7 predicted 2 to 4 inches of snow in Denver today. As is often the case, there was no snow. Mike went with the oldest excuse in the book and blamed the southeasterly wind. Poor old southeasterly wind . . . always getting shit upon by forecasters who rely too heavily on weather models. Ah well, I suppose Mikey deserves some credit for having the seeds to go on the air and admit when he is wrong. It would appear that he's not the only one who's backpedaling. Coniglio blamed the mountains. What a dick.

I wish I could get more in depth on all the local weather soothsaysers and their follies, but I spent the majority of my day yesterday sitting on a westbound Amtrak train listening to an old hippie/vagabond (who looked a lot like this guy) ratchet up many pints of phlegm and resin from his lungs with deep and sustained coughs. I was concerned he was going to die. Then I wondered to myself: "If this guy does start to enter the throes of death during one of these coughing fits, will you have the mental fortitude to give him CPR and not throw up while doing so?" I came to the conclusion that I would wait for someone else to attempt to save him and if no one volunteered, I would step in. Sad? You bet. But true.



But he was really the least frustrating thing about the trip. I like Amtrak . . . I really do. Any method of travel where you can drink heavily and no one bats an eye is OK in my book. I've traveled by train many a time and had some insanely memorable trips (like getting wrecked in the smoking car for five hours on Super Bowl Sunday (Rams vs. Patriots) with a cowboy poet and bondage models). I haven't rode (ridden?) the rails in a couple of years and was thoroughly disappointed with the shape our national rail service is in . . . well, maybe just the California Zephyr. Sure, the train was seven hours late getting to Denver, but that's somewhat acceptable given the brutality of the weather back east over the past few days. But the state of the cars was just pathetic. Lights were out, chairs were broken, bathrooms were in disrepair, doors between cars didn't work . . . it's like they just said, "Fuck it . . . we'll just let the cars go until they can't go no more." C'mon, Amtrak. You can do better. Shit, the Feds are handing over bailouts left and right. Go get some of it. I know, I know, you're already heavily subsidized. But that shouldn't stop you from asking for more. It's the new American way.