SNOW-MG, LOL!

Look what I found on my Facebook this morning . . . the infamous St. Louis-ophile Ditchfield-Murray - sporting a fancy new name and dispensing ominous news. Very exciting stuff. Normally my Facebook is full of people posting cryptic messages (looking for attention) or quotes with no attributes (really gets my goat). And then there's updates on children (no one cares) and bragging about how great life is (most likely a lie). So it's refreshing to see a local "celebrity" (and I use this term in the loosest way possible) gracing my little sphere doing what she kind of does in very mediocre fashion once in awhile. The only other celebrity on my docket is Jason Mulgrew. His blog (Everything is Wrong With Me) has seen better days, but if you're snowed/frozen in for the next couple of days, I can't recommend enough a thorough poking of the archives. Drink beer while you do so.

Tebow balls . . . I'm rambling. Who gives a shit about the Facebook when we're finally set to add to our impressive one inch snow total for the season (and when I say season, I mean September, 2010 through May, 2011). Virtually everyone's on the same page with this one. Five to ten inches by tomorrow morning and scrotum-clenching cold. Personally, I think it's too cold and we won't get anywhere close to 10 inches of snow. I like Carter's forecast of 5 inches in the city. I'm saying four inches, tops. I'll let Gaguilera break it down one time:


Here's a look at what's going on in Lower Downtown Denver thus far. Be warned . . . it is not at all impressive.



Lastly, I wanted to put all FKS Weather Watchers(TM) on HOT WHITE alert. You know what that means. Speaking of FKS Weather Watchers(TM), I rather enjoyed this text I got from Billy Axelrod on Dec. 26 at 8:01PM MST: Egger's on the weather channel right fucking now. Creamed jeans.

Tebow bless you, Billy.

Smarch Madness

Finally. We've waited damn near all winter for Mother Nature to lay down upon us and it looks as though she's finally ready to make it happen . . . starting in the next couple of hours. Women. Always making you wait just a little bit longer.

But look how excited Gaguilera is. He hasn't been doing shit for the past three months and now it's go time. He's downright giddy to tussle with this storm. God bless him. I feel the same enthusiasm. Of course, I have the day off of work tomorrow and will be spending in sitting in a bar for 12 hours drinking, eating fried foods and watching nonstop basketball (and heavy snow). I was excited to begin with. This common Wing storm (winter/spring - also known as a Chicken Wing storm around these parts) is just icing on the cake.

You know what I bet Dave's been doing during all this down time? Working on his moves:


In the spirit of fair disclosure, that video was shot back in March of Aught Seven. It looks like he's shaking a watermelon while drunk. I don't know if Amelia is still in the picture (ladies). I also can not confirm if Dave is related to Christina, but one can only hope.

But I'm getting off track. We got ourselves a gold ole fashioned winter storm warnin'. That's what's important. I've already sent out White Hot Alerts in telegram form to all veteran FKS weather/genital measurement specialists in the area, so let's hope we get some good photographic evidence of this late winter event. I don't know what more I can say, really. It's going to be awesome. If you'll recall, a similar thing happened a week short of a year ago. That storm lead to a pretty epic night for Flip in Historic Lower Downtown Denver. It also lead to a very epic snow measurement photo sent in by Ronnie Cheetahtoes:

So enjoy it, kind citizens of Denver. Use it as an excuse to not go to work and come by old Flip a few cold ones down at the bar. At the very least, use it as an excuse to leave early. You had a rough week . . . probably because of St. Patrick.

NEW FEATURE - LATE WINTER STORM RECIPES

I was talking with a friend to the blog and she was mentioning that one of her favorite things to do during big snow storms is to cook. It got me to thinking about the Crockpot and all the good shit you can cook in it. So I'll feature one of my Crockpot favorites today and will take reader submissions in the future.

Trailer Park Dip
1 to 1.75lbs. of lean, ground beef
1 to 2 lbs. of Velveeta(TM) processed "cheese"
1 to 2 cans of Rotel(TM) Diced Tomatoes & Green Chilies (I prefer one Original and one Hot)

Cube up the Velveeta(TM) and toss it in the crock pot on low. Or high. It doesn't matter. While that takes the form of melted goodness, cook the beef over medium heat. Spice it up before you do. Whatever kind of good stuff you enjoy. I usually go with cayenne, cumin, onion powder a blast of paprika and some Santa Maria(TM). Drain the meat (ha!). Assuming the cheese has melted or is almost melted, splash some milk in there, give it a stir and then throw everything else (Rotel and beef) in. Give it one more stir. Grab yourself some tortilla chips and dig in. Or don't . . . it will be fine marinating in there. You've got all the time in the world. It's snowing really hard outside and you have nowhere to go.

Alright . . . good luck tomorrow. You'll need it . . . for your bracket and your commute. Here are some predictions:

Sabine 6"-12"

Weather.com 5"-7"

Egger (= boner) 4"-12" (Seriously, Crystal? Terrible)

Corey Christiansen (7News) 6"-12"

Gaguilera (News4) 6"-12"

Weather.gov 5"-12"

Old Man Winter Takes An Early Dump? Something's Happening

Time Stamp: 11:37Pm - 10/27/09

As you can almost see, the mountains remain blue even after this delicious bottle of Coors Light(TM), which was brewed with water from a crisp mountain spring, sat outside for approximately 2.5 hours. This obviously means that the air temperature is cold enough and the moisture content high enough to deliver some icy dandriff to the Mile High City. It also means someone didn't finish their beer. Normally I would frown upon that, but I think this will prove to be a good measuring stick for this snow storm.

But that's neither here nor there. The trivia team finished second and earned 20 SoBro bucks which, as of right now, is trading at 1.21 against the dollar. You can buy a lot of guláš for 20 Sobro bucks, so it was a good evening. There were no weather-related questions.

That doesn't mean the weather didn't play a factor, however. There was much rumbling in this hockey bar when the heavy precipitation knocked out the satellite feed of the Avs 3-0 victory over the Edmonton Oilers. It made me think that any sports bar worth its salt better have at least one cable feed.

Anyway, it's snowing. And the intensity only seems to be . . . intensifying. It's a good thing we have a battery of meteorologists ready to tell us how much of this snow we will see. Let's run down the prediction list, shall we?

9News - In all, the Denver area, especially the west and south sides of town, could see 8 to 14 inches of snow. Foothills locations, including Estes Park out to the Continental Divide, could see 10 to 18 inches of snow by Thursday afternoon.


News 4 - In Colorado, 8 to 14 inches is forecast for the Front Range and 5 to 10 inches in the Denver area. Up to 2 feet is possible in the northern Colorado Front Range foothills and the Laramie Range in southeast Wyoming. (Ed. Note - the entire text of this story/prediction is very Wyoming-centric. Ask yourself: Why is Ed Greene focusing so intently on Wyoming? Once you get the answer, let me know.)

Channel 7 - Mike Nelson gives the grim news . . . Your Wednesday morning commute should be slow, but manageable, but Wednesday night's commute and Thursday morning's commute could get ugly.It looks like accumulations could be in the 6 to 12 inch range for the metro area, with 12-24 inches possible in the foothills and higher elevations along the Front Range. (Ed. Note - Mike Nelson loves a wide birth - he gives himself so much room for error that this shouldn't even count as a prediction.)

Fox 31 - The Front Range and northern I-25 corridor is expected to receive 6 -12" of snow by Thursday afternoon. Denver's south and west suburbs, including Highlands Ranch, Parker and Castle Rock, along with the western foothills, can expect 10 - 20".

Time stamp: 12:48AM - 10/28/09

Weather.gov - Wednesday: Snow and areas of blowing snow. The snow could be heavy at times. High near 30. North northwest wind between 11 and 15 mph. Chance of precipitation is 90%. New snow accumulation of 4 to 8 inches possible. Wednesday Night: Snow and areas of blowing snow. Low around 23. North northwest wind between 8 and 13 mph. Chance of precipitation is 80%. New snow accumulation of 4 to 8 inches possible.

Weather.com - Cloudy with snow. Cold. Temps nearly steady in the low to mid 30s. Winds N at 10 to 20 mph. Snow accumulating 4 to 6 inches.

Unlike a septum, no one's really deviating. Check back tomorrow to see how close these sissies are. The Coors Light bottle will not lie. Good night and good snow.