Snow Total Follow-Up

My apologies to Billy Axelrod, of Loveland, Colorado for not including his measurement report yesterday. Billy was deputized as an official FKS weather spotter two weeks ago. The ceremony included whiskey, painted ladies and cocaine. Ice water was also available. Here is his report from Monday, January 12 - submitted at 4:18PM Mountain Standard Time:

I regret to inform you that one man cannot stick a tape measure in the snow, fire up a cancer stick, and take a picture all at one time. The good news is I took multiple measurements throughout the region (well, in the parking lot of my residence) and measured 3 5/8'' of snow at 7:15 this morning. Areas covered in Kentucky bluegrass were subject to wind and children frolicking and carbon dioxide emissions, therefore, no measurements were obtained. I am comfortable and fully satisfied with the parking lot measurements.

Thanks again, William. I'll monitor the official FKS weatherspotter wire a little more closely the next time it snows (tomorrow perhaps?). And regarding your issues measuring, smoking and taking pictures (aka handling the money, driving the car and talking on the phone), I thought that's why you got married. If Mrs. Axelrod can't help, then maybe it's time to start experimenting with the timer on your camera. I can not solve your problems, sir, only you can. Still, you're a good man . . . and thorough.

FAILURE

The 32-load plastic Tide bottle stands a robust 9 inches - photo taken at 9:12AM on Monday, January 12

I freely admit that the only two forecasts I saw last (Sunday, Jan. 11) evening were Mike Nelson's on 7News and Marty Coniglio's on 9News. Both of these gentlemen predicted no more than a light snowfall (maybe an inch or two - see photo in previous entry) . . . although they did caution that the morning commute could be made a little slower. They were right about the commute, as I'm sure those of you who are forced to do such a terrible thing found out right away. Mine, which is tame by anyone's definition (an estimated 3.89 miles) took almost 40 minutes. During this commute I saw a woman next to me using one hand to eat and the other to hold her phone while trying to navigate the icy streets. All I could do was shake my head and sip my whiskey.

What I find to be pretty shitty, however, is 9news throwing this little jab at CDOT (Colorado Department of Transportation) in their story about this morning's storm:

The early morning snowfall caught the Colorado Department of Transportation a little bit by surprise a spokesperson said.

Yeah, they were surprised because none these meteorologists predicted the severity of the storm. This is what pisses me off. There's absolutely no culpability on the part of 9News. All too often people get riled up at CDOT for not keeping the roads clear during/after a big storm. But most of the time CDOT is at the mercy of the forecast. If the forecast is for light snow and then it dumps almost five inches in five hours, they have to scramble and, by that point, it's too late. I'm pretty sure if old Nelson or Coniglio would've said something about four to six inches of snow falling so quickly, CDOT probably would've had their plows at the ready, guiding you merrily to your place of employment.

But that didn't happen. Neither Nelson nor Coniglio made any such claims and the result was an exceedingly slow commute. I can only hope that you used the confusion and poor driving conditions as an excuse to go chill out at a coffee shop or bar for an extra 15 minutes before punching the clock. Because if you didn't, you're a sap.

I do need to give credit to 7news, however, because they sort of threw Nelson under the bus (and rightly so) with their story about the morning snow storm. Check out these beauties:

"Horrible," said Russel Smith who has lived and worked in Denver his entire life. "This was the worst drive yet. And it was made even worse because we weren't prepared based on the information given by forecasters," said Smith.

"It was ugly," said Patty Gonwa about her commute. "I was not prepared based on the forecast. They said it wouldn't hit until mid-morning. And then, it wasn't supposed to get bad, maybe one to two inches. And this is, well, more than one to two inches," said Gonwa. "They were dead wrong."

That's what I like to see. While 7News doesn't come right out and blame their own meteorologist, they do have the courage to quote people who know the real story. I can respect that. 9News's bullshit, on the other hand, I can not.

Lastly, here are the snow totals if you're into that kind of thing.

It's Not a Tomer

Like American children (or so I'm told), the snowflakes falling in the heart of Historic Lower Downtown Denver on Saturday afternoon/evening were obese. But they were also quick. They came and went rapidly and at all hours of the day - like the action at a good whorehouse (or so I'm told). For some, the plump afternoon snow brought feelings of coziness and wonderment. For others, it brought lust and a thirst for bourbon. But it was here for everyone and that's really what counts in the end.

As far as those predictions were concerned, I can give everybody a pass except Tomer and maybe Gaguilera. It's honestly difficult to give them too much shit though because I really have no idea exactly how much snow fell around the Denver Metro area. Downtown, where there is no grass - only body heat and streets - I'd say maybe 11 to 13/16ths of an inch fell. I know because I shuffled through it at 1:43AM Sunday - high on beer, good music and Nuggets victories.

An official FKS weatherspotter, a Mr. Langenbrewer from Littleton, texted me about seven hours later (a bit too early on a Sunday morning I should add) to report only an inch there. I think he used a stick of string cheese to measure, but I can't be sure because there was no photographic evidence of this measurement. But at least he reported it, because no other official FKS weatherspotters did and that, quite frankly, is a little disappointing . . . but also understandable. It's the weekend. People (myself and Langenbrewer excepted) have better things to do than measure snow.


Still, Tomer, you can't just say 0-3 inches. I've thought about his prognostication some more and just become more disgusted with it the more I think about it. It's lazy. I imagine his reasoning is that Metropolitan Denver and its suburbs add up to a rather large geographical area and within that geography are pockets of varying elevation, wind, cement and everything else that might effect levels of measurable snowfall. That's very true, but it's still no excuse. You take the time, Tomer, to study each area (be it the Western Slope, the Northern Suburbs, Pueblo, Peetz, The Highlands, East Colfax, ElBro, etc.) and give accurate predictions for each. That's why you got into the Colorado weather game, isn't it Tomer? To be the best? Well, dammit, be the best. Your bio says you like a challenge! Don't settle for wide-ranging and broad predictions. Strive to achieve perfection . . . or at least to within an inch on either side of it.


Gaguilera - Don't give me that look . . . you know what you did. I saw you on the evening broadcast changing your forecast from a dusting (see previous entry) to 2-4 inches in and around town. You second guessed yourself, sir, and that's a sign of weakness. More than that, you guessed second, and that is simply inexcusable in your profession. Trust your gut - not other meteorologists. Resist peer pressure, Dave! You were right on with your initial forecast yet allowed the opinions of others to alter that keen instinct of yours. For shame.

First Official Reader-Submitted Measurement Photo . . . Yes!

Kudos to you, Ronnie Cheetahtoes, for sending in the fine snow measurement picture taken Tuesday, Dec. 9 in Greeley, Colorado. It would appear that the official tally there was 1/16th of an inch. An impressive haul, no doubt. But more impressive is Ronnie Cheetahtoes going out of his way on probably a busy day to help contribute to the awesomeness and seriousness that is FireKathySabine.blogspot.com. The rest of you could learn a thing or two from Mr. Cheetahtoes. And, for his efforts, he will be receiving a photo of Kathy Sabine signed by me and perhaps a black umbrella. You're a good man, Ronnie Cheetahtoes . . . and thorough.

I got a very intimate look at this latest storm. I was given tickets to the Monday night Ryan Adams/Oasis show being held at the Broomfield Events Center just off the Boulder Turnpike. I left work at 6:00PM just as the driving snow was beginning to fall. The normally 15 minute drive to and from the venue turned into an hour each way. The snow came down at such an awesome pace that the badasses who drive the CDOT snowplows couldn't keep up. Throw in a sustained 18 MPH northeasterly wind and it was chaos on the roadways. But I gotta give credit to the drivers out during that maelstrom . . . that was some fine maneuvering, folks. Especially those of you that were drunk when the concert was over and the storm was at its height. You didn't even flinch . . . or flip your cars . . . and for that, I am grateful. It was yet another reminder that, while we in Colorado completely melt down behind the wheel during any kind of rain storm, we also show the utmost in skill and focus when it comes to driving in snow. It makes me swell with pride and throw some punches in the air.


Photo credit: Sledden

"Get to the snow totals, douchebag," is what you're likely thinking. You're right again. Enough of my driving jibber jabber. Sad as this is, it would appear that everyone (aside from weather.com) was pretty much right on with their liberal predictions (2-5 Meto area, 5-10 south and west burbs). That National Weather Service reported these "official" snow totals for Monday night's/Tuesday morning's storm:

Arvada - 7 inches
Aspen - 9 inches
Castle Rock - 8 inches
Conifer - 13 inches
Denver - 5 inches
Delta - 0 inches
Flip Washington's FKS Weather Headquarters (aka ElBro Laboratories) - 4.7 inches
Frederick - 2 inches
Gennesee - 7 inches
Greeley - 1/16th of an inch
Louisville - 9 inches
Parker - 6 inches
Snowmass - 17 inches
Telluride - 14 inches
Thort-en - 5 inches

If your location wasn't included in the above, I don't really give a shit. It's your responsibility to update me. Get on it.

As far as grading out the local weather teams, well, they all get B-'s this time around. I can't go higher because they dropped the ball on some of the Northern suburbs and you just can't be doing that shit. Also, I don't like a three inch spread when it comes to predictions. Two to five inches just doesn't cut it with Flip Washington. Three to five inches? Now that's some predictin' I can get behind. You hear me, Egger?

There are whispers of another storm coming Sunday/Monday. We here at FKS will monitor it closely, of course, and keep you abreast on all the latest tomfoolery perpetrated by Denver's dimmest meteorologists.

Thank you for your patronage. I love you. I mean that.

Totaling Your Snow

I have to give 9News credit . . . they're the only local media entity I can find (although I didn't look very hard) who put up the snow totals from this most recent "storm." Although I gotta say, it doesn't seem that official. Witness this note at the top of the page:

Below are the latest snow totals advailable [sic]. Please send updated totals to weather@9news.com

So basically, any of you Colorado residents should come up with any number you want for your locale and fire that off to 9News for publication on their website as official. Or you can send a photo of yourself measuring the snow with something unusual (cigarettes, naked ladies, soy sauce bottles) to flipwashington@fastmail.fm or flip.washington@gmail.com and I will gladly post it and ponder it here. I would like to put 9News snow totals page to shame. That is my new goal. I need your help.

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Five fucking degrees below zero last night in Denver. What the hell? That ties a 99-year-old record for lowest temperature on a December 4th but, to my knowledge, no one told us it was going to get anywhere near that cold. All the reports I read had the low being between seven and 10 degrees above zero. "Well that's only a few degrees off," you're probably saying. "What's the big deal?" I bet 10 degrees difference is a huge deal for the homeless, but you're right, it made no difference to me. Sorry for troubling you.

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Lastly, watch out for the fuzz if you're cruising I-70 today:
















Have a warm weekend everybody!