It's Not a Tomer

Like American children (or so I'm told), the snowflakes falling in the heart of Historic Lower Downtown Denver on Saturday afternoon/evening were obese. But they were also quick. They came and went rapidly and at all hours of the day - like the action at a good whorehouse (or so I'm told). For some, the plump afternoon snow brought feelings of coziness and wonderment. For others, it brought lust and a thirst for bourbon. But it was here for everyone and that's really what counts in the end.

As far as those predictions were concerned, I can give everybody a pass except Tomer and maybe Gaguilera. It's honestly difficult to give them too much shit though because I really have no idea exactly how much snow fell around the Denver Metro area. Downtown, where there is no grass - only body heat and streets - I'd say maybe 11 to 13/16ths of an inch fell. I know because I shuffled through it at 1:43AM Sunday - high on beer, good music and Nuggets victories.

An official FKS weatherspotter, a Mr. Langenbrewer from Littleton, texted me about seven hours later (a bit too early on a Sunday morning I should add) to report only an inch there. I think he used a stick of string cheese to measure, but I can't be sure because there was no photographic evidence of this measurement. But at least he reported it, because no other official FKS weatherspotters did and that, quite frankly, is a little disappointing . . . but also understandable. It's the weekend. People (myself and Langenbrewer excepted) have better things to do than measure snow.


Still, Tomer, you can't just say 0-3 inches. I've thought about his prognostication some more and just become more disgusted with it the more I think about it. It's lazy. I imagine his reasoning is that Metropolitan Denver and its suburbs add up to a rather large geographical area and within that geography are pockets of varying elevation, wind, cement and everything else that might effect levels of measurable snowfall. That's very true, but it's still no excuse. You take the time, Tomer, to study each area (be it the Western Slope, the Northern Suburbs, Pueblo, Peetz, The Highlands, East Colfax, ElBro, etc.) and give accurate predictions for each. That's why you got into the Colorado weather game, isn't it Tomer? To be the best? Well, dammit, be the best. Your bio says you like a challenge! Don't settle for wide-ranging and broad predictions. Strive to achieve perfection . . . or at least to within an inch on either side of it.


Gaguilera - Don't give me that look . . . you know what you did. I saw you on the evening broadcast changing your forecast from a dusting (see previous entry) to 2-4 inches in and around town. You second guessed yourself, sir, and that's a sign of weakness. More than that, you guessed second, and that is simply inexcusable in your profession. Trust your gut - not other meteorologists. Resist peer pressure, Dave! You were right on with your initial forecast yet allowed the opinions of others to alter that keen instinct of yours. For shame.

Snow Forecast Round Up

What's up, Natives, Texans (gross) and Californians? The lack of posting has been quite uncouth, I know, but shit's been happening and it's hampering old Flip's schedule. Said shit isn't horribly interesting, but the crux of it is I picked up a debilitating chest cold (probably from that vagabond) that put me out of commission for a few days (I coughed so hard and intensely the morning before New Year's Eve that I sharted in bed). Luckily I rallied and even foolishly smoked a cigarette as aught nine was rung in (under extremely mild temperatures might I add). Good stuff . . . although I'm pretty bummed that this will be the last of the "aughts" for my lifetime. At least we can still say "back in aught one, two, four, etc." ad nauseum for the foreseeable future. Like, "Remember when Kathy Sabine completely blew forecasting the great Holiday Blizzard of aught six? It's amazing she still has a job!"

Anyway, the prognosicators of atmospheric conditions are back at it and are predicting a few inches of snow. Here's a quick round up of the various local forecasts for your pleasure:

9News (Altieri) - "The cold front responsible for the snow will move over Denver and the Front Range around midday on Saturday. Once the front passes, temperatures will drop rapidly and snow will start to develop. Most of the snow in the metro area will fall during the late afternoon or early evening on Saturday. The 9NEWS Weather Team expects 1 to 3 inches of total accumulation for most metro neighborhoods. Locations along the Palmer Divide in Douglas and Elbert Counties could see up to 5 inches while the foothills see up to 6 inches. Northern Colorado including Fort Collins, Loveland, and Greeley will see 1 inch or less."

Channel 4 (Gaguilera) - "A cold front arrives early Saturday morning and will drop our temperatures back in the 30's. There is also a chance for light snow showers around the metro area but it's not expected to bring any accumulation. Sunday's high will only be in the 20's."

**Ed. Note - Nice! Right off the bat we know one of the big dogs are going to be dead wrong. My money's on 9 News. Altieri inspires no confidence.**

7News (Hidalgo) - "Another cold front will move into the state on Saturday morning, spreading snow into the mountains and colder temperatures across the plains. Afternoon highs in the metro area will be about 25 to 30 degrees colder than Friday. There will also be a slight chance of light snow across the plains and in the metro area with the passing of this storm on Saturday afternoon."

Fox31 (Tomer) - Eat a fat one, Fox, for making us watch your stupid video forecasts. Tomer, who I bet is very awkward around women, thinks the cold front's going to blow in during the overnight/early morning hours and with the snow following in the afternoon/evening. He says 0-3 inches which is a no-no here at FKS. If you want to be a money forecaster when it comes to snowfall, you need to be accurate within two inches. Three is too wide of a margin. Especially when you're throwing zero in there. What the hell? Grow a pair, Tomer! Either stick to your guns and say it's going to snow 1-3 inches or go with a trace to no accumulation. It can't be both you geeky bastard.

KWGN 2 (Who Knows) - You people are lazier than Fox. There is virtually no words on their page. Just pictures and video. Shameful. Anyway, here's their guess:



I'll be back Sunday to check up on these goons. Until then, you can find me at either a sports bar enjoying NFL playoff football or at the Grizzly Rose enjoying the melodious tunes of The Randy Rogers Band and Cross Canadian Ragweed.

Lastly, I would be remiss if I didn't send off one final Mile High Salute to Mein Shanny. While things have indeed been mediocre in terms of wins this past decade, the man did deliver two world championships to this title-starved city and I will never, ever forget that. That overly tan, rodent-looking football genius brought much joy and pride to this city and for that we should all be thankful. Actually, you don't have to be. But I always will be. Happy trails, Mike.


(Nobody chews zebra better than Shanny)