Nearly Headless Nick

Man oh man, as first relayed to me by longtime FKS reader, British meteorology buff and avid dogger Sir Gilmore P. Knobstain . . . Nick Carter is no more. Well, he's no more after Friday at least. I'm speechless. Not really. Although when I started this fine, weather-focused blog, the idea of any of our local meteorologists getting canned never really crossed my mind. Local media people in Denver are usually like Supreme Court Justices in that once they have the job, they'll usually stick around until the bitter end (see: Palmer, Bob; Green, Larry; and Zapollo, Ron). I'm not passing any judgment on them for doing so, it seems that's just the way things go in these parts. Hell, I envy them. If I had a job as cushy as theirs and lived in a state as bad-assed as this one, I'd never leave either.

But that's neither here nor there. Our focus should be on middle-aged Nick in his time of peril. When I heard this news I initially tried to conjure up any images or opinions I had of Mr. Carter (a two time winner of Westword's Best Local TV Weathercaster). The only thing that came to mind was that he always seemed a bit too jovial when on camera and that he has really ballooned into a giant man over the past few years. Given these . . . well, I guess you'd call them traits, he'd probably make a good Santa Claus at a mall going forward. That'd show up Ernie Bjorkman and his new, humble, pretty awesome reinvention as a vet tech.

Also, as was pointed out by a number of astute FKS readers, he really liked to wear giant coats - no matter the time of year.

Billy Axelrod opines: "His bobbing for donuts schtick or whatever it was called was funny." I don't remember said schtick, but the idea of a rotund man in a giant coat bobbing for apples on television does indeed sound disasterous and possibly entertaining or creepy. If anyone has video of this, send it over. But based on my search for a picture of Mr. Carter, I'm guessing such a video is not likely. He seems to have removed nearly every piece of photographic evidence of himself from the net. The only one out there seems to be on his bio. Is he hyper-ashamed of himself? I don't know. I hope not.

Denver Post commentor "Ottis Williams" thinks Mr. Carter's weight may have had something to do with his contract not being renewed:

Is Nick Carter the kind of heavy guy? His pic in the story doesn't look like what I see now, if I am thinking of the same guy. I am in no way criticizing him if that's the guy; I'm heavy as well. I did wonder, as I watched the parade of eye candy weather people and anchors show up on local channels over the past 18 months, how Nick would do given he seemed heavy compared to others. That's a sad commentary on our society. He's the ONLY person whose contract wasn't renewed?

He could be on to something here. It is a sad commentary on our society when we'd rather watch attractive women (and Kathy) present the weather than oafish dudes with permagrins. But the weight issue is something that I'll enjoy blindly speculating on later.

But let's stack Nick up against his colleagues and see where he stands. Carter's been here 24 years. Ditchfield's been here one. She's also a giggly and self proclaimed St. Louisophile who probably enjoys rainbows and has no seasoning. I'm not saying Carter's a savant, but I'd much prefer the meteorologist with 23 more years of Colorado experience than a rookie who has a cat named Cody.

Altieri's been here two years by way of the Midwest and is "a proud Eagle Scout." He also fancies himself a chubby storm chaser with the "call sign" WX9USA. He loves the Michigan Wolverines but went to Central Michigan. He worked in Des Moines, Iowa before coming to Denver . . . which seems like a very natural progression. He has the face of an ugly baby. I'm not sure he can be trusted. Also, he does claim that he won Westword's Best Weathercaster award in 2008. I don't believe him.

The matron saint Sabine and her obedient squire Coniglio aren't going anywhere for now, but, given what's happened to Carter, they probably won't be around too much longer. They're not exactly spring chickens. Kathy is rapidly getting through her cougar years and will soon be referred to as a saber tooth tiger. Coniglio reminds me of Quagmire from Family Guy so I hope he hangs around.



What's the point of all this? I don't know. I lost track of the angle I was going for many paragraphs ago. I think, ultimately, Nick Carter was the victim of the reality of today's local television news in that if one wants to remain on the air, one better look relatively youthful. He surely didn't make that much money given his position on the pecking order, but maybe he made significantly more than Ditchfield (aka Ditzfield) or delicate Ashton. Whatever the case, Colorado's losing one of it's most experienced meteorologists and that's probably not a good thing . . . unless you like to see "experts" screwing up forecasts . . . and I do.

Anyway . . . via con dios, Nick. Good luck with the aviating, the weight losing and whatever else you're going to be up to. And, if you get the chance, please get really drunk before your final weather forecast Friday. That would be truly memorable.